I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
