Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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