can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
