We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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