the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
