Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
