Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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