If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize