My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
