i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Enjoy the penises
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
