Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
