if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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