Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
