i think i have herpe
just one?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
