What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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