i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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