My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
