If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
