Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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