her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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