i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
