This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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