it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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