Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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