why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
