Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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