We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
