i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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