8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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