Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need moral support for this bender
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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