I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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