Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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