She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
