New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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