is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
