my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
