whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
