We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
