She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
