She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
