If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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