Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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