Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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