you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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