i would punch a child for taco bell
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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