Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
