I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
