Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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