Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
