its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
