And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
