Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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