...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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