How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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