Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
