I want to walk on stilts...naked
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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