Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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