That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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