well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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