I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
