my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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