i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
