No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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