It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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