I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
