operation have a gay friend backfired
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
