On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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