we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
