There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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