we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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