yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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