Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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