I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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