You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
