she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
