well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize