at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
