look no pants
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
