they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
