Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
there is glitter all over my balls
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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