Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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