he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
