My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
