never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
