He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
