What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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