if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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