He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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