he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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