I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
