Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
