I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
