my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
