I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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